Caller: Fr CK, what can I do if my husband is not repentant over moral failure?

Fr. CK: There is quite a lot that you can do;

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Turning the Heart of Your “King”

Most of the women who come to me reporting about their sinful and arrogant husbands, I often direct them to read the Book of Esther and to see her life as an example to follow in this situation. Queen Esther was married to a very ungodly man. He was willing to allow her whole family to be destroyed. This situation is really what most of the women who ask this question are facing. They’re married to men who are living ungodly lives and who are willing to allow their family to be destroyed while they sit back and do nothing.

What could Esther do in this situation?

Was she hopeless?

Did she just sit back and hope that somehow God would change her husband’s heart?

No, she devised a Godly plan of action. This solution didn’t come from worry and fret; it came from days of fasting and seeking God’s help. Esther sought God with all her heart and with an attitude of total surrender to God’s will, whatever the outcome.

Now, do I think that Esther didn’t worry at all? I’m sure that as a human being and as a woman who cared for her family, she did struggle with these feelings and concerns—but they didn’t prevail in her heart. Faith prevailed—a faith strong enough to carry out the plan that God gave her.

There are a number of things that Esther and her cousin Mordecai did in response to the situation that God used to bring freedom to their people. These are concepts that a wife should consider when responding to a husband who does ungodly things and when facing the needs of a family about to be destroyed.

  1. Fast and Seek the Lord

When faced with the plans for the destruction of her people, Esther began a fast herself and called for a fast among her people. This was no wimpy fast—it was a fast of three days. “Fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day: I also and my maidens will fast likewise; and so will I go in unto the king” (Esther 4:16).

A lot of women tell me they’ve tried to fast but can’t do it. When you get desperate, you can do a lot of things you think you can’t do, and fasting is one of them.
Gracious ladies, If you’re willing to follow God’s instruction, He will show you what type of fast you are to take and how long to keep it.

  1. Spend Time in Prayer

We can picture the earnest prayers of Esther, her servants, Mordecai, and all the Jewish people who took part in the fast. So much depended on the outcome of Esther’s presentation to the king, and she needed divine strength to act against the laws of the land and go to the king without a formal summons to his presence.

  1. Cry Out to the Lord for Help

When Mordecai heard of the decree against the Jewish people, he tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and ashes, and cried out with a loud voice. “When Mordecai perceived all that was done, Mordecai rent his clothes, and put on sackcloth with ashes, and went out into the midst of the city, and cried with a loud and bitter cry” (Esther 4:1).

When your heart is desperate, it’s hard to simply pray a quick, soft prayer—you are more likely to cry out with emotion and passion! God promises to hear these cries for help, to work, and to receive glory for rescuing us in the midst of despair. “Call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me” (Psalm 50:15).

  1. Surrender to the Lord

Esther was surrendered to God’s will and purposes, and she knew that she might have to give up her life to see them fulfilled. She was willing to give her all to obey the Lord and to walk in His ways. I believe this was the most important step Esther took. She said and meant, “If I perish, I perish” (Esther 4:16).

  1. Serve and Appeal to Your Husband

Esther diligently sought the Lord, and He enabled her to effectively present her appeal. You must ask God for a plan on how you can serve your “king” in order to gain his heart and present your appeal.

“If it seem good unto the king, let the king and Haman come this day unto the banquet that I have prepared for him” (Esther 5:4). It was from the place of service that Esther was able to make her appeal. As she served the king, she gained his attention. He was now ready to listen to her heart. This is where most ladies fail. You stop serving him food, ironing his clothes, you relocate to children bedroom and perpetually wear a murderous attitude. This is not how to go about it.

  1. Appeal to Your Husband

Ladies: fast, pray, cry out to the Lord, surrender to Him, and serve your husband. DO NOT KILL YOUR HUSBAND!!!!!!!! Once you have done these things, God will give you a plan of appeal just like He gave to Esther. He granted her wisdom to know how to serve the king in order to capture his attention. She needed him to be willing to hear her appeal, to listen to her heart, and to respond in order to save her family from destruction.

What is your appeal? “Honey, we need help. Can we please seek help? I see these problems, and they are destroying our children and our marriage.”

Ask questions of your husband and his struggles, and make sure you are not hiding anything yourself. You need to tell your husband if you are seeking counsel and help, because it is wrong for you to hide anything. He needs to know that you are seeking help for your problems.

  1. Do Not Grow Weary

Sometimes it takes time. Be willing to go through day after day and to trust God with the outcome. Ladies, God has to change YOU, just as He must change YOUR husbands. You have to cry out for that change, you have to beg God to help you become women of God like Esther. He is willing to change you and to equip you in the path that you are traveling. Will you accept His truth and His grace at work in you to transform your hearts?

“He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6).


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Rosemary Ben


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